I was asked today, how much do I expect to loose. I hadn't even thought of it really. Where my end goal was. When I first went for the initial consultation a couple of years ago, the surgeon said  that he would expect I'd end up around the 110kg mark. My personal goal I suppose is to be the weight I was just before I got married. 99kg. That elusive double figure not triple figures. I was thinking about it today, one thing about me is I actually do enjoy sport, when I'm fit and healthy. Exercise will become an important part of my life when I drop the kg's. I have trouble exercising now due to the arthritis pain, and the fact I seem to need a toilet once I start moving.  Once I take the pressure of my joints and my diet is controlled, I cannot see any excuse to hold me back. I will prove this doctor wrong, will prove I can hit double digits.
Ok on the home front still no surgery date from the public health system. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that there is no strikes, or industrial disputes relating to the hospital. That the doctors stay healthy and no emergency cases are pushed before me. I'm sticking to the doctors estimate that it will be in April, and checking the letterbox everyday for that important letter.
Also some health news, I am finally having my gastroscopy and colonoscopy in a week. My doctors last letter worked and its now all happening. Hopefully this will answer a few questions to my poor health (other than being super obese). Fingers crossed it's nothing that hinders my Sleeve.

WAITING

Thinking about how I could have had the surgery over and done with now (well actually Super release didn't get approved till Tuesday. But if I was desperate I could have put my tail between my legs and maybe borrowed the money of my estranged mother.)
This waiting is frustrating, and yes I am eating more out of frustration. I want to go on the optifast diet now, but my doctor says I have to keep my diet the same for the gastroscropy and colonoscopy so it doesn't give a false positive. Fingers crossed this surgery is soon as I'm not pushing back the Sleeve for anything.
Speaking of this, the Surgeon said I was on the public hospitals April list, wonder when they actually send confirmation out. So many little things frustrating me.
Well have decided to put my weight history here, also my embarrassing current weight. But as I read on another blog today, I have to own it.


DATE WEIGHT


01/2012         176.50 (Surgeon /weigh in)
06/2011         172.80 (Weight Watchers)
09/2010         151.50 (Doctors)
09/2008         130.00 (Family Death)
03/2008         134.00 (Best friends Wedding)
09/2006         128.00 (Wonderful what getting rid of Ex husband can do)
10/2005         162.10 (Weight Watchers)
03/2003            146.00 (Birth of 5th Child)
07/1999         153.00 (Birth of 3 &4 Child)
01/1997         138.00 (Weight Watchers)
02/1996         141.00 (Birth of first Child)
02/1995         123.80 (Playing sport 4 times a week)
01/1995         128.00 (Started Weight Watchers)
11/1990         101.00 (Wedding day)
11/1990          99.00 (3 weeks before Wedding)
07/1990        118.00 (Started Jenny Craig)
12/1987          90.00 (End of High School)


Well its out there now, but my next list is going to be decreasing not climbing like this one did over the years.
41 days till April, but don't now how many more days to add onto that yet. Arrrghhhhh

BUCKET LIST

BUCKET  LIST

·         CLOTHING

o   Being able to shop in Plus size clothing stores again (prior surgery only about 1 in 30 items would fit)

o   Being able to shop in a clothing store that doesn’t have a plus size.

o   Getting fitted for a bra.

o   Fitting into shoes again. 

o   Wear a bikini’s or a sexy pair of bathers

o   Sexy underwear and lingerie

o   Wear High heels

·         SPORT/ACTIVITIES

o   Being able to walk a flight of stairs without stopping.

o   Being able to walk a flight of stairs without panting.

o   Get a pole dancing lesson

o   Get a burlesque lesson

o   Swim a kilometre

§  Swim 2 kilometres

§  Swim 5 kilometres

o   Walking

§  Walk to the shops. (350 metres)

§  Walk around the lake (2.2km)

§  Walk a kilometre

§  Walk 2 kilometres

§  Walk 5 kilometres

§  Walk 10 kilometres

o   Jog a kilometre

§  Jog 2 kilometres

§  Jog 5 kilometres

§  Jog 10 kilometres

o   Ride a horse 

o   Play a netball game

o   Take the kids hiking down to Wilsons Prom.

o   Ride a bike

o   Roller/ice skate

o   Abseiling

o   Rock Climbing

o   Climb a tree

·      

·       HEALTH

o   No more Arthritis pain

o   No more sleep apnoea

o   No more diabetes

·         Not needing the extension strap on a plane flight.

·         Not being given the look of sheer terror from people on flights or public transport when I board, thinking I might sit next to them.

·         Going on rides at theme parks without worried the bar won’t come down over my tummy.

·         Car seat belts to fit around me again.

Who can I Blame Now

Was going to rant how my teenage daughter is an enabler, she is always buying me chocolate and soft drink. Guess what no more excuses.... I'm the one that puts these things into my mouth. had 5 chocolate biscuits before, guess what I wouldn't even know what they tasted like because I wolfed them down so quick. Had toasted ham and cheese jaffles for tea loaded with butter. Seriously when I actually started to slow down to "taste" what I was eating, it wasn't that nice. As for back on the coke zero lately, sheesh no wonder I'm having trouble sleeping and my IBS  is worse than ever the last week. Lets not find an excuse for the crunchie I ate, I told my daughter I was craving chocolate, if I had not of said this she would not have brought bad foods to make me happy. she wouldn't have brought bad foods for herself.
I'm a total disappointment to myself. I want to loose weight before my surgery yet I am sabotaging myself at every corner. I need to get back into old "healthy habits" Meal plan, water, shopping lists. I have done this before. 3 times in my life I have dropped large numbers.
I need to lead a healthy lifestyle for my kids by example. I want to life again.

Willpower

I think my willpower is slowly improving. To a degree. I popped into Woolworths to grab a chicken and some salads for dinner. Looked at all the baked goods (you have to walk past them as you enter the store). Was going to buy something for the boys lunches and thought, who am I kidding. That would have been my excuse to gobble down something I didn't need. Even managed to get past the hot cross buns ( even though I did stand there for a minute debating in my head about hot cross buns). they have been selling hot Cross buns for a few weeks now, Easter isn't even till April, and its not like I just have one and no butter. I eat 4 a serve and load the butter on. So no hot cross buns till actual Easter. 

I baked muffins the other day, not a packet, from scratch this way i know how much sugar is going into my food. Another good thing I did tonight is even though I served the boys dinner up on large plates, I served mine on a bread and butter plate.

The next decision was a choice of 2 evils. Was running around blood test, computer shop, that I decided to get take (drive thru) I went for a KFC twister small meal. How is this good, If I had of gone though Macca's I would have ended up with probably 2 meals, apple pie and a frappe. It's like my mind goes into junk food overload when I look at there menu. 

Ok bad thing other than the KFC, skipped breakfast, which is what most likely lead me to drive thru meal.

Oh decided to wait for April for my operation, whats 2 more months when I have been obese for 30 years. I want to loose some weight before my surgery, but I am not going to put any pressure on myself to do so.  My decision was a few reasons, if I needed intensive care then I would have been up for $$$$ in a private hospital, hopefully I can save my Superannuation and use it for an apronectomy, plus the out of pocket expenses I can now use to get some bills out of the way and get my old bomb of a car fixed.

So now the fingers are crossed that the specialist had the right information and I am on the public list for April. In the meantime I actually never cancelled my private surgery, just changed the date till 13th March until I actually hear from the the public hospital regarding my surgery. 

With this 2 months hopefully I can get all these health problems under control. I have IBS and it's getting worse. Now my blood tests have come back with B12 deficiencies. I just went for more blood tests today and see my doctor again on Friday. I am hoping that my colonoscopy and gastroscopy is done by then too (been on the waiting list Category 2 for over 14 months now). 

Now that I have to take tablets daily for the diabetes, I have been really good taking the tablets for the arthritis, iron tablets and vitamin D. Except for the constant diarrhoea I have actually been finding my health improving slightly. Now if I can get into the habit of using my symnicort every day.

OMG I sound like a walking pharmacy, well that's part and parcel of being super obese folks :(

I want to start exercising again, really need to get these bowels under control. I don't know if whoever reads this has experienced Irritable bowel syndrome (that's what I have been blaming for the last 15 years though now beginning to think it is something underlying as it's getting worse) I have loose water like motions, specially soon after eating. But it really restricts your activities. It has got worse with my weight gain so hopefully it's another problem that melts away with my fat after the operation.

Someone asked why I wasn't skinny considering I have IBS, I know it's because my body is flushing away all the good stuff and keeping all the shit and fat I eat. That is why I belief I have so many deficiencies too.

Look at me go on about my medical issues. How boring. I am trying to paint a picture for you of what my life is like. Maybe one of my future posts I will graph my weight history (should be interesting to do). I am still doing my list up of what I want to achieve. Was also considering posting some pictures, but for privacy reasons at the moment blobbing out my face. Still up in the air about sharing person stuff like weight. Decisions decisions.